Damaged Swirl (damagedswirl) wrote,
Damaged Swirl
damagedswirl

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Finally realized

After much confusion I have finally understood that I just don't love brian anymore, I am not attracted to him in any way, I was even talking to him the other night but he was not listening as usual and I didn't even get upset when I found he wasn't listening, I felt nothing, that beautiful blissful nothing. And last night I told him I was through trying with him that he just wasn't good in relationships and that we would just remain friends, he didn't say anything to that, just got the usual look on his face that Im not sure what means looks like it means oh well or something like that.
I wasn't upset or anything at his lack of reaction.

Maybe someday I will leave him not anytime soon because the kids love him and I can't do that to them, we can still laugh together as friends but there is nothing romantic to our relationship, after realizing all this and letting go of it I feel a huge load has been lifted from me and I don't hurt anymore or even crave any attention anymore.

I tried and tried with brian, I asked him to go to counseling with me more than once and he said there was nothing wrong with him, he wouldn't go. And I kept on trying to explain what I needed out of this relationship and he never tried to change, so I moved on. I don't love him anymore, I think I did at one point but I slowly started to fall out of love.

Maybe someday I will find someone who can give me the attention and love I need but I'm not going to count on that, right now I am focusing on my kids and working on myself and that's all that matters right now.
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